


In Between

by shinyivyleaves



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 17:37:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10836078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinyivyleaves/pseuds/shinyivyleaves
Summary: Tanuma will always be there when Natsume wakes up.





	In Between

**Author's Note:**

> I was rewatching some episodes and then this kind of got away from me haha.

Sometimes, when Natsume spends the night at his house, Tanuma watches him sleep.

There’s something comforting about the steady rise and fall of Natsume’s chest, the small sounds of his breath breaking the silence. In those moments Tanuma can almost pretend that everything is normal, that they’re just two average guys locked deep in friendship. That they don’t have the threat of demons and monsters lingering constantly in the backs of their minds. 

He wouldn’t trade his knowledge of Natsume’s secret for the world, even if it meant the return of his peaceful days and a simple friendship. Yet when Natsume shows glimpses of the scars his past has left behind, Tanuma wants to see a world where Natsume is unplagued by spirits, where shadows don’t hide in his smile.

But despite the small part of him that wishes and wishes the shadows remain, so Tanuma fills his eyes and memory with these small moments of peace. In the darkness of night he takes the time to memorize Natsume as he slumbers. If he has a strong enough image of his friend sleeping peacefully, maybe he can block out the fear that shocks his heart every time he watches Natsume fall.

Too many of their encounters end with Natsume on the ground, eyes closed, unresponsive. To Tanuma’s relief Natsume always wakes up quickly, but those moments when Tanuma can’t rouse his friend fill his blood with ice. Because while Tanuma can help, ultimately his senses will always fail him, and he can never tell for certain whether the threat is gone for good, or what damage Natsume had taken in the fight.

He always thinks that this time might be the time that Natsume doesn’t wake up.

That fear is a constant thread in the back of his mind. Each farewell could be their last, each morning Natsume is late to school could mark the first day Tanuma must live without him. Because Natsume, for all his love, will never let Tanuma fully be a part of the world that he knows, that is full of dangers that Tanuma still doesn’t fully understand. Natsume just wants to protect him, that much Tanuma knows, but he never seems to understand that he deserves protection as well, and even if Tanuma can’t see the world the same way maybe they can protect each other.

They don’t want to hurt each other; they don’t want to see the other get hurt. It becomes a sort of dance, Tanuma weaseling his way gently into Natsume’s spiritual life, Natsume protesting but never quite putting his foot down, both too stubborn to relinquish their position but respecting that of the other anyway. In a way the gap between them is large; Natsume has been in this world all of his life, experiences it more intimately than Tanuma ever could, even as he throws himself into it after skirting at the edges for so long.

But despite the distance, despite the fear, Natsume never shuts him out. It’s slow, it’s tentative, but Tanuma is let into Natsume’s life, is shown the world that is shrouded by the sunlight that Tanuma knows.

He learns one day that Natsume sees the memories of youkai, sometimes, after he’s done helping them. Natsume doesn’t even know how it happens, just that it does and that the memories alone are responsible for more than their fair share of blackouts. Tanuma is relieved that Natsume is often not as injured as he sometimes seems, and awed at just how strong Natsume’s connection to the youkai is. But these emotions are accompanied by a frustration that boils deep in his core.

Even when Natsume is unconscious he’s experiencing things that Tanuma can’t share.

So he clings to the things that he can share. Easy, uninterrupted moments walking home or eating together, simply sharing space, assure that Natsume is still here. He watches Natsume sleep to remind himself that there is peace in Natsume’s life, that not every time his eyes close come with the threat of it being the last time. He shoves his way into every encounter with youkai that he can manage, despite Natsume’s protests, because above all else his best friend deserves better than to face his demons alone.

Tanuma likes to think that Natsume, ultimately, is glad to have someone there. Because after the danger is gone, the world Natsume sees is beautiful. When the stars align Natsume will tell stories of the youkai he’s helped, and Tanuma is astonished at how human the otherworldly beings are. Spirits seeking friends long since lost, looking to return to a long forgotten home, helping a loved one all the while insisting they don’t care at all, all of these stories are ones Tanuma knows, has seen in the tales that humans tell. The devotion, the grudges, the hope may all be intensified, but Tanuma can still recognize those emotions, call them by name. There’s beauty in the world of monsters, Tanuma and Natsume both know, in the glitter of a pond, in a friend risking it all for a desperate cure, in the farewell to the granddaughter of a loved one lost.

Being a friend is about more than the moments of peace and simple joy. Tanuma has known for a long time that there would be more rough patches and scares in this friendship than any he is familiar with. It was never going to be easy.

But the difficult things are the ones most worth doing. Natsume is worth the earth and the stars and the sky. Tanuma will do whatever it takes to protect Natsume’s smile, his kindness, his gentle companionship, and to slowly help him understand just how valued and valuable he is.

He may not be able to help much. He may not be able to fight, or negotiate, or do much beyond standing at Natsume’s side, staring defiantly at the monsters he cannot see. He may not be able to stop Natsume from falling, time and time again.

But Tanuma will always be there when Natsume wakes up.


End file.
